I got to share the good news of my book making it on Target, Barnes & Noble, Books A Million, and Amazon with a fellow writer. I rambled on and appreciated seeing my book synopsis in languages like French, Russian, and Dutch. He asked me who published my book. I justified with going through IngramSpark and appreciating the benefits it was bringing.
In the early stages of learning how to self-publish, IngramSpark was my big chance to get into bookstores and beyond. They have connections with over 40,000 retailers, libraries, schools, etc. I ended up summarizing and stating how great it was for IngramSpark to automatically connect my book to big company’s. His expression stopped me in my tracks.
He has used IngramSpark for years and wasn’t getting the same benefits. I spoke to several other writers and given the same answer. An author that has sold many copies just made it to Target.com after publishing her fourth book.
Humbled! All this hit me and memories started flooding my thoughts. Here I was trying to prove how in the world I could be picked up on these sites. My lack of worth and being enough struggling was hitting me like an old habit. I almost missed how big God was being by giving the book favor. God gets the glory!
My mind flashed back to me holding Lilian Grace and giving her a bottle (entry twenty-six in The Fight). We didn’t ever think she would be able to do such a simple task. Her speech therapist had her feeding from the bottle. Even with knowing this was big, I almost missed God being huge and getting gloried.
Her bottle feeding milestone was big, yet it was even bigger. A five-year-old girl with t18 had never been able to feed from a bottle. Humbled and blown away, I praised His perspective. How many times do we justify away or belittle the miracles and gifts God provides? He is in all things. Looking at it with a discontented heart, we can miss the bigger blessings where He gets glorified. The little things are not so little!
God desires being with us in all things. After we line up with Him, the possibilities are endless. When something doesn’t play out or the timing never seems to work, keep remembering that God is setting it up for a purpose we may never know. We get the chance to give God the glory!
This past week, I started singing Jesus loves me in the shower. The words really got to me and sparked a practice session for an upcoming message. I spoke about focusing on the one. Which one? God has taken care of the ninety-nine, but we can help be His hands and feet for the one. The one person who finds themselves in a wilderness away from the rest and thinks they have strayed too far. The one person who feels like they are not enough and wonders how anyone could ever love them. The one person who can’t see his/her worth and ponders when someone will ever value them.
After a little while with tears streaming down my puffy cheeks, I took a deep breath. I was questioning if I should even try to do speaking engagements. I’m just Chrissy, who is far from perfect. I get short-tempered. My words have been a sword when I’m frustrated or disappointed with people and situations. I’ve been passed over for speaking opportunities many times. I can slip into the sinking sand of negativity. Although I do have a wonderful tribe, I have a ridiculous enemy who learns from my mistakes and shortcomings while pressing on my scars and wounds.
My impromptu session with the water streaming over me gave my spirit peace that I desperately needed. I am getting to see God show His beauty and timing. I get to experience an Esther moment where it is such a time as this. I am a vessel no matter how imperfect I am. My mission is to step aside while being raw and real. I’ve had a multitude of full circles on this journey since Lilian took her last breath. I have my own set of olympic rings being placed one at a time. This next part of my journey feels like the third or fourth ring of the five. God loves to bring us full circle and rewrite parts of our story when we give them to Him.
Have you ever wondered if loving you or being around you is hard for someone? I urge you to look up the lyrics to the full version of Jesus loves me. It will stop you in your tracks remembering how loved you are. We are not alone. Jesus still loves you and walks with you along your way. His love for us helped Him take on all mankind’s sin. To envision the pain on the cross with nail scarred hands and feet, pierced side, thrashed body, and thorns embedded in his skull is unimaginable. I write this to remind you just how deep His love is for us. He gave His life in full suffering and pain so we could live.
My humbled record is more times than I’d like to admit. If I ignore those humbling moments, I would miss His lessons and opportunity to glorify Him. Be humbled and let Him be glorified in all that we do. I’ve never regretted owning my shortcomings and sin, because I’ve gotten the joy from glorifying Him by sharing my journey!